Just when you think it's safe to go back into the...
I'll leave it to you to decide what comes after "the." For me it's the space of honesty, openness and vulnerability. Events in the last several years have caused me to be very guarded about expressing what I really feel and think, especially to those from the "faith community." Much of this is due to the fact that the events to which I refer were painful and difficult and were all driven by people of faith, specifically, Christians.
Christians. My people. My tribe. Those who have hurt me the deepest and many of whom consider me to no longer be one of them, or at least not in the way they think I used to be or should be. But what motivates today's post is not about some huge injury (although God knows my family and I have had plenty of that in the last decade). Instead, I've been reminded that the thing that so many Christians seem to dislike the most in other people is their humanity.
That may sound crazy, but throughout my life I've witnessed this. Whether it was being raised in a setting that constantly decried humanity as the source of all sin, even though Ephesians 2 describes Jesus as having created in himself a brand new humanity, or the life-long occurences of watching people's expressions of pain, fatigue, fear or anger be met with either disdain or some ridiculous sounding phrase that's supposed to pass for kindness and empathy.
The phrases always seem to invoke the trump card of God in a way that invalidates the person's expression of pain, fear, etc. To argue with the phrase and the person uttering (or posting) it is to show that your faith is weak, you need repentance, you need to pray, you need any of 50 other things someone who just overlooked your humanity may insist that you need.
Life is not successfully lived through simple incantations or mantras. Life is hard, messy, beautiful, dangerous, wonderful, heart-breaking, exhilirating. And without honesty, life, at least the kind that is true and full, is pretty much impossible. The cornerstone of Christianity is the vulnerability, pain and suffering of Jesus, God coming to earth to reclaim his creation. How puzzling (and tragic) it is that many followers of Jesus today take every precaution they can to minimize or even eliminate vulnerability, pain and suffering, both in themselves and others.
This is not the way of Jesus. This is not faithfulness. Whatever it is, it makes those who dare express their own vulnerability and suffering feel that much more isolated. The body of Christ should be known for the sweetness of its words, not for leaving bite marks.
Please consider this the next time someone takes the heroic step of expressing to you that they're in a tough place. Please stop yourself from giving them some tired, worn phrase that's supposed to show how spiritual you are, but instead only shows them that you lack compassion and that they are even more alone than they originally thought.
We all have enough bite marks to last the rest of our lives. Too many of those marks have been left by our "brothers and sisters." May all of us who claim to be people of faith begin to be known as people who are slow to offer answers, but quick to extend cool cups of water.
