Rest

Not much to say tonight, mainly 'cause I'm exhausted. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind for sure. Some very high highs, and some very deep lows, with the requisite amount of ridiculous thrown in from some people who have no idea who I am, but are convinced that they do. I think it's all sort of piled up on me, and I've found myself the last few days sort of waiting for someone to tell me I can take an extended time-out. I've needed that time-out for a few years now, and I've been waiting almost as long for someone to insist I take it. Maybe I've been waiting on no one else but myself.

Anyway, I guess all I'm saying is that I'm tired, tired to the bone.

Rest. It sounds so nice. I think I remember what it's like. I hope to remember it again soon.

Of Blood And Hope

Last month I wrote about being finished with "it," and that I would write later about just what "it" was. "It" is my first book, which is titled STAND. It is a short allegory about an unnamed character who accepts an invitation to begin a journey that brings her both great heartbreak and great transformation. Seems you can't have one without the other. I knew for quite a long time that I was supposed to write a book, but my journey over the last few years, along with an invitation from my good friend Kim Green, showed me last year that I was at the point of making that first book come to life.

One of my favorite writers, Frederick Buechner, wrote many years ago that the writing process was very simple. "You just sit down at your typewriter and open up a vein." The first time I read that quote, it scared me to death, because something inside me was telling me that not only was it true, but that one day I'd know for myself just how true it was. I in no way consider myself anywhere close to being the writer that Buechner is, but I now know the truth of his words, the truth of the process, the truth of pages covered in blood, as well as in hope.

Writing a book, much less telling people that you've written one, seems to be both a simultaneously egocentric and terrifying experience. But it only seems to be those things for a short while. It has become for me more and more an experience of being a good steward of not only any communication gifts I may have been given, but more importantly a good steward of my journey, my story. It seems that all any of us really have to offer each other is our journey and the story that journey produces. It's always surprising to me how some people can't even tell the truth of their story to themselves, much less anyone else. These are the people who level the greatest criticism at those who dare tell the truth of their journey. I've experienced that same criticism in just the short time since STAND has been in print. I don't live in a vanilla, sanitized world. It's a shame that some do, especially since that world doesn't even exist.

I wrote STAND for those who live in the world of color, even when those colors are only black and grey. Maybe it's the black and the grey that produces the opening of the vein about which Buechner has written. But I also believe hope can live even in the middle of our being surrounded by black and grey. If we've known other colors at some point, that knowledge allows us to pour hope over the blood that soaks the pages of our stories. I don't know what color that combination makes, but it's definitely not vanilla.

Home

I spent this past weekend with a great group of people who had come together for a spiritual retreat outside of Chattanooga, Tenn. It was definitely an amazing time and I was honored to be part of it. A very close friend of mine led the weekend, and she gave me such a wonderful gift by asking me to take a leadership role with her for the event. Some very important, truly transformational things happened for me during this weekend, things that involved new beginnings, taking important next steps in on-going processes, as well as bringing an end to something that had finally reached its expiration date. I'll write more about some of this in the coming days, but it just seemed important to note how important both this weekend and the months of preparation leading up to it were and are to me.

All of that makes coming home last night that much sweeter. The lights on my front porch, the quiet of our house, being greeted by Zach the cat and Maggie the Labrador, feeling the warmth of your own bed, made all the better by the warmth of your wife next to you...these things are also gifts from this weekend, made that much sweeter by having been away from them.

Home.

Out the door

I'm out for a few days speaking at a retreat that begins tonight. Prayers are appreciated, as I'll be speaking several times over the course of the weekend. Hope your weekend goes well.

Peace,

Jerry

Big Change

In 2005 I sat in an American mega-church, listening to one of it's founding pastors kick off a two-day conference they were hosting. His talk that evening was, "Are you ready to make the big change." He talked about how most church "leaders" avoided making big, sweeping changes, as this was usually the stuff that got people upset, and God knows we can't have the righteous assemblage getting upset...especially since that tends to lead to that pastor needing to find a new group to "lead." The pastor I listened to that evening, however, referred to what most pastors call change as anything but. "Slow, incremental change will kill you," he said. "It drains resources, passion and vision, plus it will frustrate the people who are actually depending on you to step up and lead."

As I sat there, I realized that the guy on stage was talking to me, and I've never forgotten what he said that night. He inspired me to both seek and create that which is truly change, as well as to begin to speak out against the small, cosmetic adjustments that most American pastors celebrate as change.

I've been surprised in the almost 4 years since that night how many times I've heard somebody refer to the "Big Change" they're making at their church. All this talk of change would be funny if it weren't so pathetic and self-congratulatory. So, I'd like to offer a few things that are definitely NOT "Big Change," as well as a few ideas about what it might actually be.

Big Change is NOT your brand new video screens in your worship space.
Big Change is NOT the fact your worship band plays a song from U2, Coldplay, Snow Patrol, The Killers, or whoever else it is you think will raise your cool factor. Playing songs from these bands means you're playing much better music than most churches do, but it does not qualify you for Big Change status.
Big Change is NOT the fact your entire staff wears jeans...it just means you're being smarter with your clothing purchases.
Big Change is NOT your coffee bar...although Bad Change would be removing the coffee.
Big Change is NOT devoting 90-95% of your financial and human resources to 2% of the week, be it Saturday night or Sunday morning.
Big Change is NOT bragging about how much money you send half-way around the world, while the neighborhood surrounding your church campus has no idea who you are or if you even remotely care that they live daily on the edge of hopelessness.
Big Change is NOT celebrating how much you do for the poor when that amount doesn't even equal 5% of your overall annual receipts.
Big Change is NOT adopting phrases like "post-modern," especially since post-moderns aren't even talking about post-modernism anymore. Showing up 10 years too late to the party is worse than not even showing up at all.

There are many other things I could list that are NOT Big Change, but I'm sure you get the point. Now, for a few ideas on those things that might actually be Big Change:

Calling our faith communities to begin to actually live out Jesus' words about bringing good news to the poor might be Big Change.
Being known for caring about more than just 2 political/social issues might be Big Change.
Abandoning the patriarchal, top-heavy leadership structures based on 1950's corporate America that almost all churches utilize might be Big Change.
Caring for the baby after it's born, as well as the mother who decided to take our advice and not abort him/her, might be Big Change.
Stopping our excuses as to why we can't do the previous things I've listed here and instead begin living like people who actually follow the teachings of Jesus might be Big Change.

I'm sure you could list many other things that would fit in either list, but I'm far more interested in what "might be" than that which is definitely NOT. I'm especially interested in how "might be" can then move to "should be" and then "will be," which finally simply becomes Big Change. I'm interested in doing this now and I'm interested in doing it with you.

If we agree on even a little bit of this, that in itself just might be Big Change.