I ran into Certainty last week. I'd forgotten how hard he can punch. He was waiting for me in a class at a local university where I was guest-lecturing. Since I was lecturing at a Christian school, I knew that Certainty would probably make an appearance, but I guess I had forgotten how disagreeable Certainty can be. You see, Certainty and I used to be very good friends. In fact, I was one of his best promoters. But the day came when I began to realize that my faith was requiring something more than Certainty could deliver, something that made room for Discovery, Question, Wondering, as well as Mystery and Amazement. Certainty has no use for any of these guys and no use for anyone who might be willing to befriend them. So, Certainty told me I had to make a choice. I chose the journey to which I knew I was being invited, and Certainty and I went our separate ways.
This new journey required me to actually deepen my faith in Jesus, not abandon it. But, this deepening of faith also required me to let go of some things Certainty had insisted I hold on to. This letting go was neither easy or well-received. Certainty has lots of followers, and they don't respond very well to those of us who have felt a call to experiencing more of just Him and less of the stuff that may or may not be about Him. During this journey I have discovered that I had to make a choice: I could either follow Christ or I could follow the religion of Christianity, but I couldn't do both. I chose Christ. Not everybody has been excited about that choice. I don't care. The choice wasn't about them anyway.
Which leads me back to that classroom last week and my interaction (maybe more like a collision) with Certainty. He's still just as loud, just as insistent, just as willing to belittle and dismiss. But I also noticed he didn't have much company. In fact, he didn't have any company in the room. There were, however, several in the room who were hungry for more of Jesus, because they seemed to know that they could trust Jesus with their questions and wondering. I told one of them something I know to be absolutely true: Certainty will fail you. When it does, that's when the arms of Jesus are the most open and available. Of that I am certain.
6 comments:
Thank you for being so transparant. It means alot to be reminded that some things everyone struggles with. Talk to you soon.
Jerry, as another who has struggled/is struggling with the same villain, for that is what Certainty truly is to us, I am amazed at how easily I can slide back into the old habits and thought patterns Certainty brings.
I do know there is more, there is deeper, there is the unknowable I want to somehow know, or at least glimpse. Until I can, we can only continue to search Him out.
Anonymous, glad you found it helpful and I look forward to talking to you soon as well, even though I don't know who you are. :)
Andy, even the hope of that glimpse of the unknowable can sustain us for some time. I think the main work of Certainty is to rob us of the small glimpses that remind us there is much more that is possible, much more to come.
:) actually you do know me, I just forgot to put my name in there dude.
Yes indeed, I do know you. Thanks Jen.
I did want to say thanks for the reminder that sometimes when I am at my most uncertain is when He is so close. You have no idea how much I needed that reminder. :)
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