The 3rd option

Tomorrow is election day in the U.S. Millions will go to the polls (or already have through the opportunity of early voting) to elect a president, senators, congressmen and congresswomen, as well as countless state and local representatives. The right and privilege to vote is one that so many around the world do not enjoy, nor do many of them have any hope of doing so in the near future, if even at any point in their lifetimes. To say that as Americans we are a privileged people is an understatement...

...and our privilege is destroying us. Throughout this election cycle (something that now appears to last 4 years at a time) I have witnessed "we the people" behave in ways that I believe are beneath us. I am not referring to the countless candidates courting our votes, but instead to me, to you, to each of us for whom "they" (the elected officials) supposedly work. Whether a more privileged society has ever existed, there is no way to tell but what is clear is that our position in the world has intoxicated us with the false beliefs that the rest of the world does not matter quite as much as we do, that freedom of speech requires that no actual thought and reason accompany what we say, that only one half of the country's political spectrum has anything of value to offer and that the other half (the one whom we dislike and with whom we disagree) is the reason this country is going to hell on a bullet train.

We say we stand for things like "liberty and justice for all," "give me your tired, your poor," that we are a model and beacon of hope for the rest of the world. But I have read on social and traditional media sites the thoughts from everyday, ordinary citizens (many of whom I know personally) such as myself and I find there very little that seems to exhibit any concern for the tired, the poor, that insists on justice for everyone. How did we become so un-feeling, so un-caring, so mean? When did the absolute crap that flows from cable news outlets 24 hours a day replace reasoned thinking (as well as the civil expression of that thinking)? Why do we refuse to allow the other person with whom we may disagree to express their views without us telling them what an idiot, fascist, communist, etc., they are?

The problems we face as a country are huge. The leadership we have in place at nearly every level of government seems unable or unwilling to tackle those problems in any substantive way. I have heard many people express that they wish there was a viable 3rd option running for president. While that may not be the case regarding the presidency, there is a 3rd option.

You are the 3rd option. I am the 3rd option. No, not to be president (not interested whatsoever), but to be the citizens we are called to be. At his inauguration the first President Bush called on us to be a kinder, gentler nation. Dear God, if ever this was needed, it is now. The founders of our country as well as countless men and women have given their lives to protect the freedoms you and I enjoy. I do not believe their sacrifices were so that you and I could spew venom and call it patriotism, or to deride entire groups of citizens because they do not measure up to my standards of being a "good American." We can be better than this. We should be better than this. We must be better than this.

This is the first and only time I have used social media to share my views during this election. And at the end of the day that is all they are...my views, the views of one guy in the face of a tidal wave of spin and poison that passes for political discourse in 2012. But I am a citizen of the United States of America. I have been handed tremendous freedom, simply because I was born here. With that freedom comes tremendous responsibility. Whether my candidates win or lose tomorrow I am not absolved of the responsibility of living and behaving like a citizen  of this nation should.

I am the 3rd option.

Hope in a shopping cart

In the almost 6 years that I have been part of the anti-sex trafficking organization, Second Life of Chattanooga, I have found myself in a variety of settings/meetings/events, all of which were hopefully designed to help our cause of bringing an end to the terror of human sex trafficking in Greater Chattanooga/Southeast Tennessee. Many of these gatherings have been encouraging, inspiring and transformational. Others, not so much. But of all the events I have attended during this time, the one I was part of last night was definitely one of the most personally impactful.

Every Fall, Lee University in Cleveland, TN has a competition between their residence halls called "Dorm Wars." Dorm Wars is now a 20-year long tradition at Lee and consists of a night of some of the craziest, loudest, most intense competition you have ever seen. The winning dorms (1 men's residence hall winner, 1 women's residence hall winner) get trophies, medals, serious bragging rights, as well as prize money that they donate to the local service organization they have decided to sponsor for that year's Dorm Wars. This year the women of Simmons/Nora Chambers contacted us and asked us if we would be interested in being their service organization. Even though I did my undergrad work at Lee, given the fact that I went to school there 100 years ago, Dorm Wars was something new to me, but hey, any opportunity to further our cause is something we say "yes" to.

A few weeks before the competition my Second Life partner, Terri Self, and I met with the resident director of Simmons/Nora Chambers and several of the residents so that they could get to know more about us and us them. It was a fun, engaging time and they told us they would love to have us come to the competition, which we of course said that we would. So, last night we show up at Walker Arena and they're waiting in the lobby for us with our own "SNORA" t-shirts and direct us to their section in the arena.

I swear I've been to quieter rock shows. The place was packed, each of the dorms had their own specific uniforms, performed an opening routine when they were introduced and never sat down or stopped screaming during the entire 2 hour event. The music never stopped and was everything from hip-hop to pop to 80's rock to Bieber (which we all know is a genre unto itself).

 Dorm Wars's competition involves things like 3-legged races, sack races and an obstacle course. But it was during the shopping cart relay (complete with crash helmets and students throwing themselves out of the cart so their next teammate could jump in) that what was really going on began to hit me. The various service organizations for which each of the dorms were competing are all fine organizations and do great work. But as I watched our SNORA girls go all-out on behalf of Second Life during the shopping cart relay I was struck by the thought that in the middle of the screaming, music and mayhem as the carts sped through the course something else was speaking even louder: the power of human joy. I witnessed, was surrounded by and participated in the joy of being alive, of knowing that in spite of how hard and at times dark life can be, sometimes a shopping cart relay is exactly what you need to remind you that life is precious, laughter and music are gifts from above, and everybody deserves them.

Terri and I, along with the scores of others who make up our organization, fight trafficking every day with awareness that creates collaborative action. We sit in meetings, we leverage relationships, we utilize media, we advocate, we use every tool at our disposal to see the captives set free and the traffickers shut down. Last night the women of SNORA used a shopping cart against the backdrop of un-contained human joy. I don't think I've ever seen a more powerful weapon.

My ears rang most of today from how loud it was in that arena last night. It is my hope that the echo of last night will somehow reach the ears of those who are waiting on all of us who fight on their behalf, that they will hold on because we are doing our best to get to them, to get them free, to get them home. In this fight we use weapons like passion, belief, un-ending faith, hope. And joy. And shopping carts.

What I've learned (so far) from my knee-replacement surgery

Four weeks ago I had knee-replacement surgery (left knee for those keeping score at home). Since then I've had to get used to some new realities, spent a lot of time in physical therapy, dealt with plenty of pain, and gradually seen strength and flexibility begin to return around my brand new knee joint. I've spent some time thinking about why I needed the surgery, as well as the benefits and adjustments coming my way because of it.

As usual, this has led to some metaphorical thinking on my part. So, here are some things I've learned from getting a new knee that I believe can also apply to leadership, organizational dynamics, systems, relationships, as well as the arc of your life:

My old knee no longer worked. The pain I was in was suggesting this, but getting it examined and having the x-rays confirm I was bone-on-bone removed all doubt that the legacy system of my original knee had to go. Most organizations/teams/people spend more time convincing themselves that they don't need to make a big change than wisely investing the time it would take to actually make and begin to live out the needed change. It doesn't work anymore. Admit it. Change it. Get healthy again.

Pre-surgery reality was a lot of pain. Post-recovery reality promises no pain and new movement/flexibility/the ability to focus on other things since I don't have to focus on my knee anymore. In between those realities is even more pain, hard work, a great deal of discomfort, and the learning-curve on how to fully utilize my new knee-joint. If you, your team, or organization is stuck in the "pre-phase" because you want to avoid the pain of deep change and having to learn how to live in a new reality, my advice is simple: man or woman up, grow a spine, be the steward of your life, team, organization you claim you are, and get on with it. In other words, be a leader. You stay in the "pre-phase" long enough, refusing to take the next step of the hard change, we'll finally refuse to listen to your whining. So will those with the power to get somebody else to do the job you were hired to do.

Because I'm a realitively young knee-replacement patient, I have more muscle mass that has to heal post-surgery than the typical knee-replacement patient. What's the lesson here? Simple. Stop relying on previous strength, success, security. It may in fact now be an obstacle to where you know you're to go next. If what used to be strength for you is now actually holding you back from becoming who and what you could be in the future, stop protecting that old strength. Push through it in spite of the pain, make it bend to new directions and realities, thereby establishing the strength you need for now and what's ahead. What got you here won't take you there.

It has taken a team to give me my new knee, and then an entirely different team to show me how to use it. Dr. Ballard and his team made sure the surgery went "beautifully" (his words), but immediately after the surgery a team at Memorial Hospital stepped in to make sure the first few post-surgery days went exactly as they needed to. Since I left the hosptial, another team of physical therapists are showing me how to use the new knee, how to move from a walker to a cane to finally no assistance at all. Plus, my wife and mom, as well as my daughter when she's visited, have made sure I've had the proper rest, diet, exercise, and encouragement at home to keep me on the road of progress. Don't rob yourself of the gift of the power of a team working together, especially if you're the one "in charge." If you're in a faith-based setting, stop using the word "community" like it's some sort of brand-name and instead take the risk of finding out what it really means. Like I said in one of last week's posts, if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.

Hope you find some of this to be helpful/encouraging/challenging. And remember these words of an anonymous change agent from the past: "It'll feel better when it stops hurting."

Class is back in session

This morning I was watching Paul Gilding give a talk on sustainability on TED.com (a talk I recommend you check out). In the middle of listening to Paul talk about our need to make significant change now in order to assure the future sustainability of civilization, it dawned on me that it has been quite a while since I've visited the TED site. I then realized that the other learning opportunities/outlets in which I have regularly engaged had all gotten pushed somewhat to the margins of my life over the last several months. This was difficult to admit, especially given the fact that one of my stated core values is learning.

As I listened to Paul I realized that what I've been doing since at least sometime last year is not really learning, but simply gathering information in order to then disseminate that information to others. Now, given the fact that part of who I am and what I do involves speaking in various faith-based and non-faith-based settings, acquiring a certain amount of information necessary to giving the talk is part of the gig. But, it seems I've turned learning into nothing but information gathering. I am glad for this realization, especially given what is now unfolding in my life in terms of next steps and new direction. If ever there was a time I need to be student, it's now and so I'm grateful for this morning's realization. I'm not talking about making some huge life-shift here. Instead, it's simply a matter of a slight correction in thinking and approach, which is how most of the truly important changes happen for us anyway.

Loyalty Part 2

A few days ago I wrote about the "loyal critics" each of us have, those people who live to tear down our ideas, words, us. The loyal critic is always around, showing up everytime we put ourselves out there. But today I'm writing about a different type of loyalty, the loyalty that one assumes is inherent in friendship. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case.

My dad told me a long time ago that the deeper I moved into life, the fewer true friends I would have. As with so many things he told me when I was young and knew everything, I didn't think this would apply to me. And, as with pretty much everything else he told me then, time has proven him to be right. Because of this, I place a very high value on friendship, knowing that it is something I share with only a handful of people. This is not a bad thing...it's just the way life is.

But, for each of us who place that high value on friendship, who know what it means to be a friend and to have a friend, we both know and expect that loyalty is at the heart of those friend relationships. I'm not talking about some blind acceptance of anything and everything a friend says or does. Instead, I'm talking about the willingness to stand with our friends no matter what they're going through, even if while we stand with them we're having to tell them how they messed up and what they need to do to clean up their mess.

I want and need those types of friends. Thank God I have them. But every once-in-a-while, something comes my way that thins the friendship herd, some sort of difficulty that causes me to see that I've misjudged someone's loyalty and commitment to our friendship. We have all had friends of convenience at some time. When it becomes clear to us that it is now inconvenient for that person to remain our friend, we often wonder about their disloyalty, and sometimes we're even shocked by it. More often that not, though, if we had only paid attention to things prior to the crisis, we would have seen the obvious: that this is not a person who is in for the long-haul, when it is no longer convenient to be your friend, they will be gone.

So, what do we do with this, knowing that disloyalty will continue to present itself in friend relationships? For some, shutting down the possibility of friendship with anyone and everyone is the answer, an alternative that I believe most of us see as no alternative. Instead, in the face of this kind of disloyalty I think we are best served to remind ourselves of who remains with us. While we feel the pain of the lack of loyalty by one, how many others still stand with us, proving once again that they are in fact in it for the long-haul? Maybe in the end, the disloyalty done to us is actually a gift, reminding us of the preciousness of the loyalty that remains.

Nothing I have written here is new or profound. But hopefully for some of us these words are a helpful reminder of who continues on the journey with us, who remains loyal not to a fault, but to our ultimate benefit, even when they are the ones having to tell us the inconvenient truth about ourselves. I believe that life is about learning how to become fully human. I cannot do that without the help of others who are on the same journey with me. I heard a saying years ago; "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far together." I intend to go far, therefore I know that I will never have to go alone.

Loyalty Part 1

One of my favorite writers and speakers, Brian McLaren, often refers to his "loyal critics." This is a tongue-in-cheek reference to those people who tear apart anything McLaren writes or says, no matter how on or off-target he may be in saying it, or how on or off-target they may be in their criticism of him. They are people who stopped listening long ago (if they ever actually listened at all) to what McLaren is really saying. There are many reasons why Brian's loyal critics remain so loyal to tearing him down (political, theological, literary, etc.), and those critics come from multiple areas of our culture. The most vocal of his loyal critics, however, are Christians, people who claim allegiance to the same God and faith group to whom and to which McLaren claims allegiance. A sad fact indeed.





I share the same faith (or at least I think I do) as McLaren and his loyal critics. I am struggling through many of the same questions, hopes, fears, frustrations, and desires with which McLaren seems to be struggling, and I have voiced those questions, hopes, fears, etc., in various settings over the last few years just as Brian has (although his audience is much larger than mine). It seems that I too have collected my own loyal critics, a group who seem to be just as loyal and interested in commenting on my comments as are Brian's. I am not sure why this is, as it appears to take a tremendous amount of time and effort to keep up with what someone else is thinking, and I wonder at what cost the critics do this. Most especially, what are they losing out on by spending so much of their time on the thoughts of Brian, me, or some other person for whom they have contempt simply because they dislike our views? What opportunities for deepening their own critical thinking, their undertanding of life, as well as growing in their own faith are being lost to them because of their preoccupation with a person or persons with whom they deeply disagree? No empirical answer can be given to these questions, but I do know enough to know the answer is at least, "a lot."





What would cause each of us to begin to rise above the fray that grips so much of our culture and its toxic focus on whom/what we are against? What does a re-focusing of our attention on those things that actually contribute good to society look like? How do we go about achieving and sustaining such a shift in focus? Let's get even more personal. How do I begin to elevate my thinking and speech in such a way so that I find I am becoming part of the solution to the injustice, fear, and turmoil around me? How do you do that?





I don't have a list that gets you and me there, but surely the process includes caring less every day what our loyal critics are saying. They often say things that are hurtful, mean, stupid, and even destructive, but since the only thing that will shut them up is for you and I to shut up, well then, I say we make peace with the fact they will always be around, and return to our work of being part of the solution, part of the transformation of our neighborhoods, towns, and cities, that we deepen our own commitments to critical thinking, our own understanding of life, our own faith and spirituality, our own journeys of becoming fully human.





The loyal critics will show up as long as we show up. It's part of the gig if you want to be part of the solution. There is however another group of "loyalists" out there. More on them later.