Wake-up call

"I've been absent from my own life." Those were the words I spoke to a friend recently to describe both where I've been and who I've been for the better part of the last 18 months. For people who do not know me well and who observe my day-to-day activity, such a statement might be a surprise. For those who do know me well (of which there aren't many), I'm sure the statement is no surprise.

Life piles up on us, typically while we're busy with the things we mistakenly believe are central to living. But as most of us know, the un-examined, un-intentional life over time becomes empty and un-sustainable. At least that's what it became for me. Those words spoken to my friend came at the end of a day where an undeniable wake-up call was being offered to me. It wasn't a wake-up call of thundering voices and events, but was instead made up of small components of a day-long theme. It was an invitation. I said yes.

What I have needed to wake up from really isn't important. Bad stuff happens to all of us. We all get hurt, disappointed, misused. We lose sight of dreams. We lose sight of ourselves. I allowed the external hurt and disappointment to cloud over the dreams and selfhood I know to be true. I have begun the process of coming back to life, back to myself, reclaiming hope and true identity in the process.

And it is a process. I have not DONE this, but am instead returning to DOING it. To be absent from one's life does happen one day at a time and then the days pile up, turning into weeks, turning into far too much time. The reclaiming of one's life happens the same way. I know this, but there is a difference between the knowledge of it and the practice of it. And to practice it is to begin to reclaim the days and weeks, thereby reclaiming oneself.

The wake-up call keeps coming and I'm doing my best to answer it each day. It's nice to be present in my own life again. Hope that's true for you as well today.